The Experience of Studying Hebrew as a Student Who is Blind
Sarah Blake is a licensed minister with the Church of God (Anderson, IN). She is available to provide biblical teaching, ministry seminars, or music ministry for your church. Hear samples from some of her presentations and contact her for booking information.
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"Vicki died." The words rang in my ears as I walked slowly into the room where my parents were. Dad was putting something in his pocket. Mom was talking on the phone.
"I need time alone," I would tell them. If they asked why, I would explain it. I just needed time to think--and maybe to cry.
I screamed. I never told them to leave me alone. I just stood there and screamed, thinking of what a bad dream this must be.
Vicki's friendship had a profound impact on my life emotionally and spiritually. She was the big sister I had always wished for and my first real spiritual teacher. Through her words and her actions, she taught me many things.
Vicki taught me primarily about the importance of exercising discernment, especially when something was causing me anxiety. Anxiety is not from God. Because of my friendship with Vicki, I had opportunity to observe someone who knew how to ask for His help in responding to situations which cause anxiety. His help is a gift, and it takes various forms. Sometimes He gives me the words to say; sometimes He gives me a specific action to take; and sometimes He simply draws me away from a situation which I cannot change.
Vicki also taught me to be honest with God. Honesty with God has become a key concept in my life. I do not benefit from hiding my desires in order to appear to desire what God wants. He can see my heart, and He sees right through my facade. When I am honest with Him, He can take my desires, turn them into His desires, and bless me according to His will.
A third lesson Vicki taught me is to have courage in reaching out to other people. When we first began corresponding via Email, I was afraid that if Vicki found out I was blind, she would not want to continue the correspondence. Thinking that it was better to find out in the beginning than to get attached to her and be disappointed later, I told her in my first letter. She responded with more love and acceptance than I have ever known before. Later, as I struggled with my low self-esteem, she reminded me that life is a growing process and that everyone has "flaws".
One of my most difficult lessons in life has also come from Vicki. Vicki's death was determined to have been a suicide. Did this mean that Vicki, who loved God so faithfully, would not get to go to heaven? Did it mean that she had finally given up believing that He could help her in a desperate situation?
In late 1993, I memorized a Bible verse which has held my attention ever since. "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy." I do not understand God's ways; nor am I the judge. He is the only one who knows Vicki's heart and the struggles she faced. He is the only One with the right or authority to judge her heart.
When I heard of Vicki's death, I felt impressed to pray for her soul. I had never felt the need to do this before, and I have not since. However, I prayed then because I felt strongly that the urge came from the Lord, and nothing that comes from Him could be wrong.
I do not know the answers to my questions about Vicki's death, and for a long time I could not see how God could be glorified in it. But He can be glorified in it because there are lessons in it for me and for others. The lesson I have learned is that life is a gift from God to be treasured and treated with care. It is not to be abused by others physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually; and with God's help I have the ability and authority to insist that my life be treated well. This is my act of love to myself, and in turn I treat others with the same love and respect.
Because my life is a gift from God, it is also not mine to take. God, the Father, knew me before I was conceived. He created me and knows the plans He has for me: plans to give me hope and a future, plans to prosper me and not to harm me... I endure my suffering for a little while, but I am created to serve the Lord! Jesus gave his life for my sins, both deliberate and unintentional. He gave his life that I would not have to live bound to the sins of others. He gave his life so that I could have a way to draw near to God, my Father in heaven. Because of this, I have hope when there seems to be no hope. I have love when there seems to be no love.
I was a Christian for seven years before I met Vicki, but I have never understood the influence that Jesus Christ has on my life more than I understand it today. I believe that this understanding has come as a direct result of my search for healing from my grief related to Vicki's death. It is because of these lessons from Vicki that I am able to rejoice in my hope of eternal life.
Sarah J. Blake